I've been inactive, not only because I have been very busy with my final year of school, but I also have been putting off my accutane treatment...
Accutane changed my life. It gave me the confidence that I lacked so badly because of my acne. I started to feel pretty, I enjoyed putting on make up, I no longer felt judged or abnormal. For once, in a very long time, I felt pretty. I even let my boyfriend of 5 years finally touch my face without freaking out on him out of fear of getting another pimple (I know, poor guy lol).
But, of course, all things come at a price. The side effects of accutane is not something to take lightly - heck, they make you sign a waiver form! Some of accutane side effects include, dry skin/lips, dry eyes, weight loss, joint pain, weakness or quick loss of energy and mental health such as depression.
As badly as I want to have clear skin, I need to evaluate my life and where I stand to see if I can mentally handle another treatment of accutane (and you should to). I have been under a lot of stress from school and my own personal life. Trying to juggle being a full time university student with a part-time job, placements (3 days, 24 hours/week), be actively involved as a youth leader at church, spending time with my boyfriend and friends, and engaging in self care whether it be working out or catching up on grey's anatomy is hard. I have had countless break downs, sleepless nights, caffeine fixes and moments where I thought I couldn't do it anymore.
I am in no place to add on to the list, accutane side effects.
I'm really hoping that my second semester will be less stressful since the course load is slightly less so I can recollect myself and actually start my second round of accutane (and of course, write about it in this blog). Until then, see you in my next one.
xoxo, the breakout blog.
P.S. For those on accutane right now, Nivea lipbalm was my best friend to help with the dry lips and St.Ives lotions work wonders on my dry skin and hands. Buy travel sized ones so you can stick it in your purse (or your girlfriend's purse), your car, beside your bed, in the bathroom ... everywhere. For my face, I still stand my Cetaphil lotion, it honestly is the best. Drink lots of water (avoid alcohol if you can) and if your body is feeling tired or weak, listen to it and take a break.
As planned, I met with my dermatologist and she advised me to take accutane for a second round.
She was very quick with my appointment, which I didn't appreciate, so I don't know if that means for the full 6 months again or not. She reassured me that having to take accutane more than once is not rare and is sometimes expected. A part of me knew this, as I came across someone in my program in university that was in the process of her second round.
My skin has been up and down lately. One week my skin isn't so bad and another week I have pimples coming up left and right. More recently, they have gotten bigger and hurt more. Below are some quick pictures I took of my skin today. I know, I know, "A second dose of accutane for just that?! It's nothing!". But remember how I said my skin is up and down lately? The past two days I've been at home working away at a paper, so I've been able to get enough sleep and not put any make up on. So my skin has been on ... "vacation" if you will, from it's normal routine. But you can see some of my pimples that have been healing over the past week, those dark red marks are not blemishes but are pimples. My camera just couldn't properly get a shot of them. You can also see some redness in my skin.
I also know that the accutane is wearing off because my skin is reacting to certain things the same way it did before I took accutane. For one, I'm getting huge pimples and my skin has gotten more oiler. Another thing is, I can no longer eat whatever I want and not bare the consequences. To be honest, aside from having my skin cleared, being able to eat the greasiest of foods and dairy rich things and not worrying about getting a pimple the next day is the best. I experimented and reduced my intake of greasy foods and milk, and low and behold, my skin began to clear up.
So, it's set. I will go for another round of accutane and hopefully it will get rid of my acne. FOREVER.
But there is one set back...
I am going on a mission trip to the Philippines for three weeks. I'm so excited for it and can't wait to do God's work and come across so many wonderful people. But i'm scared for my skin. I have oily skin, which never does well in heat, and extra oil, sweat and possibly other factors such as dirt, food, etc. will not be good for my skin. But, I do need to keep in mind the strong side effects of accutane - sensitivity to the sun, dry skin, lips and mouth, higher need for water and not to mention, the drug is strong and needs to be monitored.
Needless to say, I've decided I'll take my chances and hope I don't break out so much and wait to begin my accutane treatment after my trip. Accutane is no drug to mess around with and I know it would be much safer if I waited and started it when my dermatologist/doctor is only about 20 mins away from me, not 20 hours.
xoxo
P.S. You are beautiful, even if you have a pimple on your face.
It's been almost a year since I finished accutane and here I am with breakouts.
At the moment, I currently have breakouts mostly surrounding my chin and my forehead. There are also multiple breakouts close to my hairline. My skin is red and my blemishes seem more pigmented than usual. I'm sad to see that my acne has returned, but I am relieved that none of them are major cystic pimples. Perhaps a couple are minor cystic pimples but it's not as bad as it was before.
I meet with my dermatologist on the 27th, so in about a week and a half time. Will definitely keep up more with my blog and if I need a second round of accutane, so be it. But I will for sure document my second journey through it.
As for now, to help my skin I am ...
(1) Avoiding sugary foods - I was recently on vacation and indulged in sugary foods. I had been able to do so while I was on accutane and shortly after I had finished, so it was not something out of the ordinary. As for now, I shall avoid it because I know that my skin reacts to it.
(2) Changing my bedsheets and pillows cases - I changed all my pillowcases and my blanket so that my skin has a clean surface to rest on during the night. I'm not so sure how effective this is, but it sure does make me feel better about where I'm placing my face.
(3) Drinking lots of water - It's summer, so you should be keeping your skin hydrated anyway. But I'm taking extra precaution to drink more water so it can help my skin.
(4) Not touching my face - During accutane and shortly after, I was touching my face nonstop. I was so excited that my face was nice and smooth. As for now, because of my breakouts, I'm keeping my hands off my face. Our hands have dirt and oily residue, no matter how clean we think our hands are, so it's best to avoid it when you're skin is acne prone.
(5) Stealing sleep whenever I can - It's a little hard to have my beauty sleep as I try to juggle school, life, preparing for my upcoming mission trip and keeping up with my recently adopted hobby, working out. Nevertheless, whenever I have an opportunity to take a nap or sleep in a little bit, I take it! I can use all the sleep I can get and so can my skin.
I hope all is well with all your beautiful faces and if you're currently on your accutane journey, hang in there! You're skin is going to look awesome (:
As I was catching up on YouTube videos, I came across one that instantly broke my heart and could sympathize with because, I too, had gone through the same struggle. Still kind of do... and I know there are many out there that have gone/still going/will go through the same one. (I'll link the video at the end of the post).
Acne is something that has become so normalized in society, no one (except those who have it) really understands how dealing with it is not as simple as, "cutting out sugar", "drinking more water", "washing your face", etc. While those remedies can work and help, acne still goes far beyond that. What many also often fail to see is that, having acne is not just a physical struggle, it is equally an emotional one as well.
The emotional struggle is widely connected to the looks, comments and blaming that happens when you have acne. I don't know how many times I had aunt's come up to me and look at me as if I had a disease. Or how many times I got, "You have a pimple on your face", or "What's wrong with your face?!", or "Your skin is so bad...". And at the end of the looks and the comments, it was always, "You're not doing ____ enough", or "You need to take care of your skin", or "You should do this or that if you want to clear up...". It's easy for the other person to blame you for your skin, as if you have control over it!
There's a lot that I wish I could tell the younger me, but since that opportunity is over, I hope that my mistakes and lessons can help you with your skin journey or perhaps help you better understand those who may be dealing with acne.
1. Make up is a bandaid solution
For girls, we have the benefit and curse of make up. We can head on over to our local drug store and pick up an array of products to help cover up and conceal those annoying pimples and blemishes. This was an option I took. Over the years I have invested hundreds of dollars on make up to cover up and give off the illusion of clear skin. What I failed to see was, my confidence became dependent on it. I wouldn't leave my house or let anyone see me (aside from my immediate family) without make up. Not even my best friends or my boyfriend. While make up can give us confidence and make us feel better about ourselves for a short while, what we need to remember is make up is taken off at the end of the day and what's left is you. Naked faced you. And just like a bandaid when you rip it off, there's pain that, you're not the person you want to look like.
I would tell the younger me... You can use make up if you'd like, but don't get so dependent on it. Stay comfortable with how you look without make up so you don't feel the need to constantly put it on or that you can't let people see you without it. If you always put make up on, that becomes the "normal you" for them and makes it difficult to be open about your skin when it's not covered up.
2. Your family doctor is not a dermatologist
While you family doctor can be helpful in prescribing, their specialization is not in skin. For years, my parents were consistent in that seeing the family doctor was good enough, and it wasn't! Seeing a dermatologist makes all the difference in the help and advice you can get. Going to a family doctor got me "one-size fits all" or "it's just a phase" remedies, where the dermatologist individualized and looked deeper into my situation. Also, dermatologist are the only ones who are able to prescribe accutane.
I would tell the younger me... Be more persistent in seeing a dermatologist. Don't limit yourself to a doctor that knows a little about a lot, but not a lot about one thing. See a dermatologist! And ASAP! They're skin doctors for crying out loud, go see one! Accutane works, don't be afraid. It will clear up your skin well!
3. You are not to blame.
I hated myself for being me. I blamed my eating habits, my exercise habits, my dirty hands for touching my face, the pillow case I chose to sleep on, etc. I thought it was all my fault and always wondered what I had done to deserve such a struggle.
I would tell the younger me... It's not your fault, blame genetics. I guess somewhere along our gene pool, acne was added, passed down, and inherited by you. While some of your choices may contribute to your acne, it is not the main cause. Acne is widely an internal thing, not external. It is not your fault, it is not your fault, it is not your fault. Don't blame yourself.
4. You are beautiful.
Within today's society, it's easy to feel ugly. I think Selena Gomez and Beyonce have their days or moments where they too feel ugly, but we all know they are two very beautiful women... and so are you. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of that and not get so obsessed with how our skin is or looks like.
I would tell the younger me... While acne may be a part of your life, don't make it your life. Don't depend your beauty on entirely how you look. Inside is what matters and I don't mean that in some cliche way. You don't need clear skin to have friends, a boyfriend, a career, fun, love, respect, etc. You can achieve all that by simply being you, whether you got a pimple on your face or not. God makes no mistakes and all the things that God creates is good ... including you.
xoxo
P.S. Here's the video that I had come across that inspired this post. HumerusFitness (Bryan), has been travelling down the road of acne and accutane for a while now and is worth the watch. I have been following him since Day 1 and a great guy to interact with in terms of skin.
